The first Crawley FatBoySevens took place on Sunday 23rd May 2004.

It was a huge success for lumbering old men and also for the charity that they support

CRAWLEY FATBOY SEVENS REPORT (By Steve Silver)

Sunday 23-05-04

A HANDICAPPED EVENT FOR THE LESS ATHLETIC OLDER PLAYER.

Out of 16 teams entered only one failed to turn up without giving notice and with one other side pulling out on the Thursday prior to the event a barbarians team was hurriedly assembled but this now meant that Crawley, the host side, now had a larger presence in the tournament now fielding 3 teams.

The weigh in took longer than expected but flowed quite smoothly. Most sides suddenly realized that the few younger and lighter player's brought along were going to be a severe handicap.

With the bench mark set at 16 stone and 35 years of age as a zero point handicap the light 28 year olds were giving away 30 to 40 points each losing 2pts per year and 5pts per half stone.

Those that arrived in fancy dress were suitable reimbursed, but for Sutton and Epsom's Under Sexies (named as they all coach the Under 6's team) being dressed as ‘ugly old ladies of the night’ was still not enough to get them below a minus 40-point start. They did however manage to make the semi-finals and were marginally beaten by the eventual winners of the tournament.

It was sometimes hard to pick out the referee during their games as he too had entered into the spirit of the day by turning up drag.

Two auctions were furiously contested during the weigh in when Antonio, a 28 stone 38 year old Italian giant turned up without a side to play for and clutching £200 in entrance donations. He was snapped up to play for the ladies of Sutton and Epsom for an outrageous sum of money and may have been a contributing factor in the length of time they stayed in the competition

The second auctioned player 'Mr Richardson' (a 70 years young 20 stoner) was snapped up for £50 by Shoreham to try and ease the minus 119 point burden they accrued. Mr Richardson's wife later donated the first prize she won in the raffle to auction, which raised a further £100.

Hellingly Loonies were to be a tough side to beat as they turned up with most of their players meeting the qualifying criteria but unfortunately for the other sides proved to be the only Fit Fat Boys unlike most other teams that spent a lot of time analyzing the merits of a third 'hog roll' and a pint before weighing in East Grinstead turned up with what they thought was a well rounded side of lumbering old men and were so dismayed with the amount of handicap points awarded to the ringers that they tried to sneak past the scales, that they promptly sent out for a set of antlers to each play in, this ploy managed to return them with around 20 points. For them though this was not enough, as the prospect of watching the cup final in the bar became a more favored option than progressing into the knockout finals of our competition.

Crawley’s Chairman’s Select side needed to issue their opposite numbers with sunglasses before each game as their fluorescent orange shirts they had specially made were blinding to say the least. They arrived keen to win the tournament but the chairman’s weight of 10 stone-wringing wet proved a slight handicap along with the draw of the bar showing the big match. It was during their game with the Norfolk Arm’s that a 25 stone prop from each side decided to take on a chair each and sit down for a chat rather than run around it the mid day sun.

With Haywards Heath’s two teams, Royal Sun Alliance, Norfolk Arms, Greenwich, Reigate and Saint Francis all fielding older Fat Boys there has been a call to give more bonus points for players above the qualifying weight and age presently 5pts bonus over 20 stone, 5pts over 50 years old and 10pts over 65, a request that will probably be put in place next year.

It was good to see a side from Oxted and Godstone take part, as it was from them that the idea of the Crawley Fat Boy Sevens came about as they used to run a similar tournament many years ago.On receiving their handicap they offered to field a player on crutches to try and reduce it and give them some hope of winning a game. They have offered some new ideas for the handicap system, which will also be considered for next year’s event.

The final game of the day came down to a playoff between two Crawley sides (to the embarrassment of the organizer) and Crawley Lights started with a one-point lead over The Barbarians. It was closely fought throughout with ‘superman’ and ‘superwoman’ finding their latex costumes to be a bad choice given the heat of the day, but a couple of late tries saw the Lights win by 32 –19.

The final might have been marred slightly when the ugly old hags of Sutton and Epsom shed their garments and streaked. It was then we realized that we had been duped and they were in fact just fat ugly old men but the £220 raised for the streak eased what could have been a traumatic experience for many!

The winner’s were presented with their trophy and a 2-foot high chocolate bunny by Crawley’s England Internationals, Steve Bloxham (England Deaf) and Helen Chapman (England U/19 Women).

The standard of rugby turned out to be as expected for the older, less athletic player but did achieve the unexpected in that it was aired on the TV amongst reports of the Heineken Cup.

For me one of the most disturbing sights of the day was to see the huge Builder’s Bum of a St Francis player shown to a national audience. Not Pretty!

Everyone enjoyed the day with all the sides promising to return next year.

The amount collected for the Children’s Hospice Association ‘CHASE’ looks to be in the region of £2500 following a generous donation from a local landlord and an auction for an England shirt signed by all the Harlequin player’s involved in Jason Leonard’s last game.

The shirt was donated by a Crawley club member, won by another member, and promptly donated to the club,……. Thanks Goose.

Given that the tournament was only expected to raise £1000 in its conception, the actual sum raised proved what a great success the day was, thanks to the generosity of all that attended

The organisation of the event only started 6 weeks ago and the level of interest generated has prompted the organiser Steve Silver to begin arranging next year’s event immediately. www.crawleyrfc.co.uk

The supported charity can be viewed at www.chasecare.org.uk